Be My Light : A BWWM Romance (Make It Marriage Book 4) Page 8

None of this makes any sense, no matter how hard I try to wrap my brain around it. Maybe I got Ina Lopez all wrong. Maybe she’s really a temptress in disguise.

  I force a poker face. “We’re almost at the shop.”

  “We can talk more inside.”

  I’m not so sure that’s a good idea either.

  Not after this conversation.

  Not after the way my body reacted to the thought of touching Ina.

  It might be better if she stayed very, very far away from me right now.

  By the time I climb out of the car, Ina’s already got the dog cage and is leaning back in to grab his bag of dog food. As she bends over, I get an eyeful of her round behind.

  The dip of her waist.

  The thickness of her thighs.

  The lush hips.

  Is she posing like that on purpose?

  “Luc, can you help me with this?” Ina asks.

  “Yeah.” I edge up behind her.

  Her behind brushes my jeans as she hands me the dog food.

  The roundness makes my skin buzz.

  Damn, this woman.

  “Luc…” Her eyes meet mine.

  I swallow.

  “Can you back up? Frank and I need to pass.”

  “Frank?”

  “Yeah.” She holds up the cage and points to the dog’s fluffy ear. “Doesn’t he look like a Frank?”

  I scratch my chin. “I guess. In a weird way.”

  “See?” Her eyes light up. She pulls the cage to her face and whispers, “Welcome to your new home, Frank.”

  The dog simply lowers its head and falls back asleep.

  I shake my head. Frank. Jonas will get a kick out of that.

  Ina follows me up the stairs to my house.

  I let her in and take Frank’s cage from her. While I get him settled, she looks around. “This is nice.”

  “Thanks.” I gesture to the kitchen. “Would you like some tea?”

  “That would be great.”

  I busy myself heating up the water and grabbing the tea bags.

  Ina follows me and leans against the counter.

  I pretend that I don’t notice.

  She steps closer.

  I shuffle back.

  She stops.

  I clear my throat. “Lovely weather we’re having today, aren’t we?”

  “Am I making you nervous?”

  No, you’re driving me crazy. “We should take Frank out for a walk later.”

  The dog whines. He has his chin on his front paws and looks in no hurry to go anywhere.

  “Is it that you don’t want to do it?”

  “Walk the dog?”

  “Sleep with me.”

  I suck in a breath. She’s way off track.

  I want to have her until she’s sore.

  I want to be with her all day, every day.

  “Lucas?” Her eyes are wide and nervous.

  Damn. What was I talking about before? The weather? The dog? It’s hard to remember when she keeps looking at me like that.

  Friends-with-benefits isn’t a new concept to me. But there’s a huge difference between the girls I used to screw back in my hometown and Ina.

  Yeah, she might be begging.

  And yeah, I would be a fool to turn her down.

  But it’s Ina.

  She’s… more.

  My brain tries to warn me that this is a horrible idea. That there’s no way I can live with touching Ina on the side while she dates other guys.

  My body pushes it out of the way.

  It wants Ina naked.

  Now.

  Before I can form a reply, she moves across the room. It’s quick. One minute she’s at the counter, the next she’s right in front of my face, her lips a breath away from mine.

  I lean toward her, gravitating to her mouth.

  Ina jerks back.

  Her eyes are low and glassy.

  Her breath hits the air fast.

  She’s panicking.

  I grab her shoulders. “Ina?”

  She pushes me off. Turns completely away. Her chest heaves. “That.”

  “What?”

  “I want to get over that.” She trembles. “I want to have a normal, loving physical relationship with a guy I like.”

  “And to do that…?”

  “I need you to touch me.”

  Fifteen

  Ina

  My eyes burst open.

  Sunlight floods my vision.

  It’s too bright. Too early. Far too early.

  I close my eyes. Dig my fingers into the comforter. Pull it up, over my face, in the hopes that I can fall asleep again.

  Doesn’t work.

  I take a deep breath.

  Don’t think, Ina.

  Lucas’s face fills my mind.

  I let out my breath.

  Don’t—

  “I want you to sleep with me.” My own voice echoes in my head.

  Pure, unadulterated horror fills me.

  I bite down on my comforter to mute the frustrated scream that flies from my lips.

  “Please, Lucas. I need you to touch me.”

  I squirm in my bed, turning over and bashing my face against my pillow. What on earth is wrong with me? Seriously?

  After yesterday…

  I know what my problem is.

  I’m mentally unstable.

  Why didn’t my therapist pick up on this?

  I run down the list of my phobias—all brought up and explored through years of therapy sessions. Genophobia. Gymnophobia. Haphephobia.

  Which is—

  I mean—

  That’s a lot to unpack on its own.

  But this is deeper than just the fear of sex, nudity or touching.

  I think I’ve full on lost my mind.

  Another groan tears from my mouth.

  I roll around in the comforter, wrapping myself up like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

  Maybe I can move away. Leave the US. Leave Venus, Evan and Mrs. G behind. Go somewhere far. Back to Belize? It’ll be sunnier. Warmer. Caribbean Sea for miles. Paradise.

  “Touch me, Lucas.”

  Heat flashes through my chest.

  I thrash my legs around, praying for the earth to just open up and swallow me whole.

  My phone buzzes.

  It’s a call from Lucas.

  I yelp. Throw the phone away. Pull the comforters over my head again.

  The phone keeps vibrating.

  Lucas.

  Lucas is calling.

  He’s, obviously, concerned.

  I need to figure out what excuse I’ll give him.

  Slowly, I creep out of my safe cocoon and grab the phone from where it landed on the edge of the bed.

  I cringe.

  He must be so freaked out right now.

  Putting my thumb to the screen, I start to type.

  I am sorry to inform you that the owner of this cell phone has gone to a far away place. Please do not try to contact her again.

  Sincerely,

  New Owner

  I press the delete button and try again.

  Hey, Luc.

  About yesterday, I didn’t mean any of it. Hope you can just forget what I said.

  - Ina

  Hey Luc,

  Sorry I made things weird yesterday. I realize I’m probably going to be single and alone forever, but that’s no reason to sexually proposition my friends.

  I’m sure you have plenty of other women you’d rather be touching.

  Please enjoy them.

  - Ina

  Hey, Luc,

  I need you to sleep with me.

  It’s for a good cause.

  - Ina

  I delete that message. Take a breath. Try one last time.

  Hey Luc,

  I’m going to shoot straight with you. I spent thirty years afraid of physical touch. I won’t spend another thirty this way. You’re the only man who’s been able to touch me without a problem. You make me laugh. You make me feel saf
e. I’m pretty sure you can make me get over my fear of intimacy too.

  There’s no way I’m actually telling you all this. I’m going to delete this as soon as I finish writing it.

  But I really, really need your help. I want to hold hands. Kiss. Cuddle. And have sex.

  And I want to do all those things with you.

  Is that too weird?

  I know we don’t like each other, but… how do I say this?

  Luc, you’re the only one who can help me.

  I promise I won’t get clingy or anything. Think of this as just another form of therapy. I’ll work hard so you don’t have to do this for too long.

  Do we have a deal?

  - Ina

  Nerves tighten in my belly.

  I wonder how Lucas would act if I actually sent this. It’s a horrifying thought. I can just imagine his eyes narrowing and those three wrinkles in his forehead deepening as he frowns at his phone.

  Of course he’d never agree to something like this.

  His silence yesterday when he dropped me off was its own form of rejection. I don’t need a frantic text message to worsen an already awful situation.

  I move to delete the message when my door bursts open.

  “Rise and shine, princess!” Venus gallops into the room and jumps on the bed.

  I tap my phone desperately to shut it off and hide it behind my back. “Morning.”

  “Why are you still in bed?” She checks her watch. “I thought you went running in the mornings that you’re free.”

  “I don’t feel like it today,” I mumble.

  “Why?”

  I shrug.

  Venus crosses her long legs. Her wavy, reddish-brown hair is pulled back into a ponytail. Light makeup tastefully highlights her high cheekbones and full lips. Dark eyes bore into me, tinged with amusement and concern.

  I want to talk to her about what happened with Lucas yesterday, but I doubt she’ll understand.

  Or maybe she’ll understand too well.

  Venus has never been shy about her… exploits. I’m sure she’d drown me in advice.

  “Ina?”

  I focus on her. “What?”

  “Are you alright? You seem—” She scrunches her nose. “I don’t know. Is something going on?”

  “Not really.”

  She huffs. “Is this about Gregory?”

  My brows hike.

  “I tried calling him for a follow-up, but he didn’t answer.” She winces. “He didn’t flake on you, did he?”

  “No. I mean yeah. I’m not sure. We haven’t been in touch.”

  Honestly, Gregory is the last person on my mind.

  “I’ll kill him.” Venus thrusts a fist in the air.

  “Forget it. I’m meeting someone else this Saturday.”

  “Amina’s last pick, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m really sorry about Gregory. I thought you two had something.”

  “The fact that I can ‘have something’ with anyone is huge. I’m grateful that we met.” I flick the hem of my comforter. “It proves I’m farther along on my journey than I was three years ago.”

  Venus’s bottom lip trembles. “I’m so proud of you.”

  I smile. Behind her stylish clothes and raunchy jokes, Venus is a really caring, genuine person. I wish more people could see that.

  She jumps to her feet. “Anyway, I came to check on Mom. She said she’s been feeling chest aches recently. Did she tell you?”

  “No.” I sit straight up. “Did she go to the hospital?”

  “You know Mom. She’ll swear up and down that she’s fine until she keels over.”

  My heart thuds.

  If anything happens to Mrs. G…

  “I was hoping you could help me check on her.”

  “Of course.”

  There’s a noise outside.

  I glance there, my heart in my throat. “Is that…?”

  “Troy’s making breakfast.”

  “Oh.” I sigh in relief. “I’ll be right out. Just let me take a quick shower.”

  “Take your time. Mom isn’t even up yet.” She tilts her head. There’s a smile on her lips, but it’s tinged with worry. “I’m sure there’s nothing wrong. Mom’s as healthy as a horse with twice the kick.”

  “I’m sure she is.”

  Venus leaves, closing the door behind her.

  I sink back against my bed, worry filling my heart. Mrs. G has been especially lethargic lately, but she said it was just old age.

  I should have paid more attention.

  My phone buzzes.

  I toss my blankets aside until I uncover it.

  LUCAS: Deal.

  Huh?

  I stare at the screen, trying to decipher the meaning.

  No answers come to me.

  I unlock my phone and tap on the text to expand it.

  Time stops when I see the green bubble above Lucas’s last message.

  Hey Luc. I’m going to shoot straight with you…

  You’re the only one who can help me…

  Have sex…

  Do we have a deal?

  I gasp and haul the phone close to my face.

  The proximity does nothing to shift the letters around. It’s still there.

  I jerk my gaze down to the corner of the bubble where the word ‘READ’ is bolded.

  I.

  Sent.

  The.

  Text.

  My heart is pounding. My skin feels clammy.

  I scroll down to his response.

  There’s a new message.

  I toss my phone away.

  I can’t look at it.

  I won’t.

  My eyes creep back to the phone. As if my body has a mind of it’s own, I spring across the bed and grab my cell with desperate fingers.

  LUCAS: Let’s start next week.

  I suck in big gulps of air through my mouth.

  He agreed.

  This is happening.

  I—

  Lucas is going to help me.

  I swallow the lump in my throat.

  ME: Okay.

  Sixteen

  Lucas

  “Frank, stop! You can’t pee there!” is about the loudest I’ve heard Jonas shout in years.

  Something thumps.

  Metal clatters.

  A high-pitched bark tells me Frank has the upper hand in whatever’s going on behind this door.

  With a sigh, I step into the living room.

  Jonas is on his hands and knees on the floor with a wad of tissue paper crumpled in his fists and a disgusted expression on his face. The lamp is on the ground and pillow stuffing is scattered everywhere.

  He glances up and sees me. “I blame you.”

  “I just got home.”

  “Exactly.” He slams his tissue-filled hands against his hips. “The dog is a mess.”

  “No you’re not,” I coo to Frank who is chewing contentedly on his toy bone. To Jonas, I explain, “We had an emergency faculty meeting. You know the dean. He loves hearing his own voice.”

  As one of the star players on the basketball team, he’s had to interact with the board for various events. He knows exactly what I’m talking about.

  I slide my laptop bag off my shoulders. “Why aren’t you at practice?”

  “Coach cancelled.”

  I wait for him to expound.

  He doesn’t.

  “Why?” I prod.

  “Half the team got food poisoning.”

  “Geez. Are they okay?”

  He shrugs.

  “I can see you’re overwhelmed with concern.”

  “Didn’t need the team to practice, but they closed the court for some stupid function.”

  “Hm.” I move to the kitchen. “How’s your project with Nellie coming?”

  Another shrug.

  “Did you guys work it out?”

  His golden eyes darken to amber.

  I take a sip of water as I watch him. “I’m guess
ing that’s a no.”

  “She’s avoiding me.”

  “Ah.”

  That seems to be going around lately. I think of the last time I heard from Ina.

  Three days ago.

  Jonas tosses the used tissue in the trash. “I give up.”

  “House breaking?”

  “On the project.”

  “And on Nellie?”

  His eyes sharpen. Don’t play with me.

  I smirk. “Does she know about Frank?”

  “No.”

  “Maybe she should.”

  “Maybe.”

  “You know how much she loves animals.”

  “She does.”

  “She’d enjoy meeting Frank. Might even make her smile.”

  His eyes soften. “Maybe.”

  Jonas digs a hand into his pocket as if he’ll call her right this minute, but he doesn’t pull out his phone. He stops. Something crosses his face, a dark expression I can’t interpret.

  “Go ahead,” I say. “Make the call.”

  “Whatever.” He heads to his room.

  “Tell Nellie I’ll order pizza!”

  He shuts the door without a word.

  I chuckle. That kid says far too much even when he doesn’t open his mouth.

  Setting my cup on the counter, I sink to the ground and tap my thighs. “Frank. Hey, Frank.”

  He bounds cheerfully over and licks my face.

  I lift him into my arms. “What do you think? Should I invite Ina to see you too?”

  He licks my face.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  Still holding the excited dog in my arms, I grab my phone and call Ina.

  She picks up on the third ring. “Hello?”

  There are voices in the background. Children laughing. Someone singing about flowers and happiness. A shriek of glee. Feet pattering.

  Sounds like she’s by a playground.

  “Lucas?”

  “I’m calling on behalf of Frank the Cheagle.”

  She laughs.

  “He’s wondering why you haven’t stopped by.”

  The laughter fades. “Lucas, you know I’ve been busy.”

  “Have you?” I ask softly.

  There’s a decided pause.

  We both know this isn’t a simple case of a busy workload. We were both slammed with work and family obligations before and we managed to text everyday.

  Ina’s been pulling back since I agreed to help her get over her physical intimacy issues. I thought I’d give her some space, but it’s been days without hearing from her.

  If she’s running at just the idea of sleeping with me, I don’t want to know how bad it’ll get when I actually start to touch her.