Be My Light : A BWWM Romance (Make It Marriage Book 4) Read online

  I arch both eyebrows so?

  “So that’s a yes.” She huffs. “Isn’t it obvious?”

  I shake my head.

  No. It’s not obvious at all.

  Not to me.

  And I live a door down from the guy.

  I look at Jonas again. “Any specific requests?”

  He pulls his chair out from under the table. “I like small dogs.”

  “Small?”

  Jonas nods. His eyes slide to Nellie.

  She’s busy tapping out a message on her phone. Whoever she’s talking to has her smiling and twirling her hair.

  “The small, fluffy ones who think they’re a Rottweiler and bite at anyone who tries to touch them.” He glances at me, his golden eyes shadowed in secrets. “I like those.”

  “You’re such a weirdo.” Nellie scoffs. Grabbing her tiny backpack, she strides to the door. “See you later, Luc.”

  Jonas shoots to his feet. “Where are you going?”

  “Home.”

  “I told you I’d take you,” Jonas growls.

  “I’d rather crawl through an army of pissed-off wasps.” Nellie flips him off and storms outside.

  The door slams shut.

  Jonas stomps back to his room.

  I jump when his door slams too.

  These damn kids…

  I head to my room and grab my phone from the bed.

  There’s a message from Ina.

  INA: Wednesday. 3 pm.

  ME: Awesome.

  It’s a date.

  Thirteen

  Ina

  “I can’t believe you listen to this stuff,” Lucas yells over the wailing guitar solo.

  “You don’t like it?”

  Lucas cuts the car engine, ending the lead singer’s tortured groan.

  Silence engulfs the car.

  “Sweet relief.” He closes his eyes. Leans against the headrest. Sighs.

  “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “It’s… different.”

  “Meaning?”

  He peers one eye open. “I didn’t peg you as the rock and roll type.”

  “What exactly does the ‘rock and roll type’ look like?”

  “More eyeliner. Black lipstick.”

  I chuckle. “You should have met me a few years ago. I even wore motorcycle gloves.”

  “Sexy.” He smiles.

  There’s something in his eyes. Like he meant that as more than a joke.

  My stomach twists. My fingers slide over the straps of my purse.

  I can’t quite meet his eyes.

  Shyness.

  It’s suddenly attacking me.

  I don’t know why.

  It’s just Lucas.

  My… friend.

  My closest friend outside of Venus.

  I clear my throat. “Who doesn’t like rock music?”

  He raises a hand. “Me.”

  “Coward.”

  He laughs. “Why do you like it?”

  I undo my seatbelt. “I don’t know. There’s something about the lyrics—”

  “Moody. Full of angst?”

  “Exactly.”

  “You’re into that?”

  “And the guys who jump around on stage shirtless.”

  “Real deep, Ina.”

  “You asked for honesty.”

  “Not that much.” He opens his door.

  Chuckling, I reach for mine and meet him on the sidewalk.

  Sunshine falls gently over Lucas’s thick hair. It highlights the delicate green veins in his pale skin. Glitters against his simple button down and jeans.

  I look at him and something inside me shifts into place. Like a perfect Tetris game. Every piece fitting snugly.

  “You ready for this?” he asks.

  I nod.

  To be honest, I needed this outing more than I’ll admit. I’m a little low on my self-esteem right now. It’s been five days since our date, but Gregory still hasn’t contacted me.

  When I got home that day, Venus asked a million questions. I tried not to give too much away, but it was hard to hide how excited I was about the handsome teacher.

  I thought—

  Maybe—

  We had some type of spark.

  The fact that he hasn’t reached out yet…

  I don’t know. Maybe he’s just busy.

  Or maybe he didn’t mean what he said on our date.

  Which would make me a pathetic sucker.

  One nice word from a cute guy and I lose all my senses.

  I sigh.

  Lucas steps closer to me. “Whoa. You trying to blow me over?”

  “You’re hilarious.” I nod to the animal shelter. “Are you ready for this?”

  He studies me like he wants to say something, but he ends up shrugging.

  “Let’s go.” I turn and start walking.

  I hear Lucas’s footsteps behind me.

  A moment later, his hand snaps around my wrist.

  I gasp.

  My pulse thumps harder.

  My stomach flips.

  It’s a reaction.

  But it’s not a bad reaction.

  Not like the ones I usually have when a man touches me.

  It’s just—

  It’s different.

  “Watch out!” Lucas yells, hauling me back as a cyclist charges in front of me.

  My heart thumps.

  One second too late, I would have collided with that biker.

  “Thanks,” I whisper softly.

  “No problem.” A hand on my back, Lucas nudges me forward.

  Shocked, I walk ahead.

  He’s still touching me and I’m fine. Why am I fine?

  The door creaks as it opens.

  The shelter is dim. Smelly. Loud. Lots of excited yelps and barks. A wall of cages stand to my right.

  When I see all the tails wagging, excitement stirs inside me.

  “They’re so cute,” I whisper, staring at a particularly energetic terrier mix.

  “And they’re waiting for a beautiful couple like yourselves to give them a home.” A thick woman in a black shirt and jeans approaches us. “I’m Helen.”

  “Nice to meet you.”

  She offers a hand.

  I shirk back.

  Lucas drops the hand on my back to shake Helen’s.

  But the warmth of his touch remains.

  “How can I help you today?” Helen grins. Her voice is high-pitched. Perky.

  “We’re looking for a dog to take home.”

  “Any particular breeds in mind?”

  Lucas glances at me. “Small?”

  I arch an eyebrow. It’s his show.

  He nods at me as if we’ve come to the decision together. “Yeah, small dogs.”

  “How lovely. Why don’t you follow me right this way and we’ll see what connections we can make.” She leads us down the hall and into a room with even more dogs. Glancing over her shoulder, she asks, “Are you two active?”

  My heart jumps to my throat.

  Active?

  As in… sexually?

  “No, not really. I’m a university professor.” Lucas taps his chest. “But I understand that having a dog comes with responsibilities so I’m willing to adjust.”

  Oh. That’s what she meant.

  I wince. Why did my mind go there first?

  It’s so… naughty.

  I’ve never been the type to worry about that.

  But now that I’m in the midst of being ghosted by Gregory, I’m starting to wonder if I should be more pro-active about overcoming my phobias.

  I’ve got two more guys to meet. The last seven weren’t exactly clamoring to get me in their bed, but it’s still a part of a relationship that I’m unprepared to handle.

  How do I expect any of these men to stick around if I can’t even hold their hands? There’s got to be something I can do to get over that last hurdle in my recovery.

  “Alright, here we are.” Helen gestures to the room. “I hope you don’t
mind looking around by yourself. We’re a little under-staffed today so—”

  “No problem at all.” Lucas offers her a charming smile.

  “Great!” She beams. “Just holler if you need me.”

  I watch her jog away, her sensible sneakers thumping the ground.

  “She seems sweet,” Lucas mumbles.

  I meet his eyes. “That your type?”

  “What?”

  “The perky, cute girls?”

  He chuckles. “I thought you were here to help me find a dog, not a girlfriend.”

  “I was just curious.”

  “You know my ideal woman wears red boots and wields the Lasso of Truth.”

  I smile. “Wonder Woman? You’re setting the bar pretty high.”

  “There are exceptions.” He winks. Turns. Points to a cute Dachshund. “What about him?”

  I draw closer to the cage. “How are you so sure it’s a him?”

  “Looks like a guy.”

  I bend down to check. “Nope. That’s a girl.”

  Lucas scowls. “Show off.”

  “Doesn’t take a genius, Luc.” I wander deeper into the hall.

  There are other people browsing the animal shelter. Mostly couples. A few families. Up ahead, a kid is rattling the cage of a German shepherd. The dog is growling, obviously unhappy.

  “Where are that kid’s parents?” I mumble to Lucas.

  He glances up and frowns.

  Just then, the dog rushes forward and the boy screams. Turning, he runs toward us, knocking into me as he sprints past.

  I grunt. Fly back. Hit Lucas’s chest.

  He wraps his strong arms around me and I instantly feel safe.

  My heartbeat stalls.

  I wait for the nausea.

  For my head to swim.

  For any of the many triggers that accompany a man’s sudden touch.

  They don’t.

  What is this? Why am I so okay with this?

  “Ina?” Lucas is looking down at me, his eyes wide in concern. “Are you okay?”

  “Y-yeah.”

  He sets me on my feet and lets me go.

  I stand in place.

  Lucas just embraced me.

  And I’m alright.

  That can’t be—

  How is that possible?

  “Hey, look at this little guy,” Lucas says, awe in his voice. “Isn’t he cute?”

  I bend down to check out the little Chihuahua-beagle mix.

  The back of my knuckles brushes his.

  I wait for my stomach to roil.

  It doesn’t.

  Helen appears, a clipboard in hand. “Oh, I know that look. You, sir, are smitten.”

  “Is it that obvious?” Lucas rubs the back of his neck.

  “When you know, you know. Right, girl?” Helen smiles at me.

  I nod absently.

  “Ina?” Lucas’s voice grabs my attention.

  I look into his eyes.

  “What do you think?”

  “If you don’t give your approval, he’s not getting the dog.” Helen laughs. “I can tell.”

  I glance at the dog that’s sleeping peacefully in his crate.

  My heart melts.

  “Yes.”

  Lucas grins so hard his eyes disappear into tiny slits.

  The expression remains as we file the paperwork, pay the fee and take the dog and his crate into the car.

  “I can’t believe I’m a dog-owner,” Lucas says as he starts the engine. Then he glances at me. “You okay? You’ve been quiet.” He seems to rethink the statement and adds, “Quieter than usual.”

  I stare at Lucas’s hand as he moves it over the steering wheel.

  It’s been… about thirty years since I’ve held a guy’s hand.

  I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “Ina?”

  “Can I hold your hand?” I blurt.

  Lucas stares at me like I’m crazy.

  I meet his eyes. “Please?”

  “Sure.” He hesitantly offers it, palm-up, on the side of my chair.

  I let my fingers creep through the air.

  My heart is pounding so hard I’m sure his new dog will wake up and start crying from all the noise.

  Slowly, uncertainly, I lower my hand on top of his.

  Lucas intertwines our fingers so he’s fully embracing my hand.

  I gasp.

  “What’s going on, Ina?” he asks, tearing his eyes off the road to look at me.

  “This is insane,” I mumble.

  “What?”

  I look up, my heart filling with hope. “Lucas?”

  “Yes?” He pulls my hand to his leg.

  “Will you sleep with me?”

  Fourteen

  Lucas

  Will you sleep with me?

  I jerk the wheel.

  The car skitters over the yellow line.

  A truck guns straight for us. The driver flashes his lights, his horn blaring a loud warning.

  I yank the car the other way.

  Our bodies fling to the left.

  Ina shrieks.

  The dog in the backseat barks, probably thinking he got adopted by a lunatic.

  I’m wondering if he has a point.

  There’s no way I heard Ina correctly.

  Which means that my depraved mind has evolved to crazed heights.

  I’m imagining extremely realistic fantasies now.

  Should I see a therapist?

  I settle the car on the side of the road and pull in a deep breath through my mouth. Running my hand down my face, I turn to Ina.

  She blinks innocently at me.

  “What—“ I pause. Lick my lips. “What did you just say?”

  Instead of answering, she reaches across the steering wheel and takes my hand again. Her nails trace the outline of my fingers.

  She goes slowly, methodically.

  Like she’s never seen a pair of hands before.

  Which is crazy because I’m almost certain she’s had to deal with hands in the emergency ward.

  Her plump lips fall open.

  It takes a lot of effort to steer my mind away from what I want that mouth to be doing right now.

  Instead, I focus on where she’s clinging to me. I thought it was strange when she randomly requested that we hold hands, but I wasn’t about to reject an opportunity to touch her.

  I’ve been fighting that instinct all day.

  She looks damn good in those jeans.

  In that blouse.

  With her hair up in a bun.

  With that sweet smile on her face.

  “Ina—“

  “I want you to touch me.”

  Now, that’s a little different than sleeping together.

  But it still gets the same reaction.

  Blood rushes south.

  My pants tighten.

  The trusting look in Ina’s dark brown eyes is pulling me in.

  Doing things to me.

  Things I want her to feel.

  The kind of things she’s begging me to do.

  What the hell?

  Her fingers run across my knuckles.

  I tremble.

  Touch her? She wants me to touch her?

  I want to do that. I want to kiss her. Taste her. Make her groan my name.

  But we’re not like that.

  Not even close.

  “Does that surprise you?” She turns my hand over and starts tracing my palm. Almost to herself, she mumbles, “This is really incredible.”

  Her touch on my palm. Her eyes. Her lips.

  Damn.

  “Ina, what…?”

  “Are you attracted to me?”

  My jaw drops.

  “I heard that guys don’t even have to be attracted to a woman to do,” her eyes skitter to my pants, “that.”

  I use my free hand to adjust myself before she has more evidence that I am, indeed, very attracted to her. “Where is this coming from?”

  “What do you say?” She�
��s looking at me like she’s asking an innocent favor.

  Something more along the lines of helping with her taxes.

  Not laying her out on my bed and touching her everywhere.

  My heart pounds just thinking about her dark skin on my white sheets.

  Damn.

  Hell.

  “Ina…”

  “It’s okay if you’re not into me like that.” She sighs. “But I would really appreciate it.”

  “Why? Where is this coming from?”

  “I have a problem touching people. It’s psychological. I can’t—” She shudders. “I can’t get intimate with… you know. It’s hard for me.”

  I think of what Nellie shared earlier this week. About Ina freaking out when a guy asked her on a date. Does she really have a phobia?

  “It’s different with you.” Her eyes train on me. They’re curious rather than embarrassed.

  This isn’t some grand romantic speech. She’s not confessing her undying love. This is a mystery she’s trying to solve.

  “For some reason that I can’t explain, I don’t have a problem touching you, Lucas.”

  It’s supposed to be flattering, but it feels hollow—to my mind.

  My body… it’s raring to go.

  Right now.

  Ina’s phone chimes.

  She glances at the screen. Picks up. “Hey, Amina.”

  Glad for a chance to collect myself, I start the car again and head back on the road.

  “Yeah. Yeah.” Ina nods. “Of course. We’ll meet at the usual place.” A chuckle. “I know. I’m sure he’s nice.” Another laugh. “Don’t say that. I’ve already got high expectations.”

  My fingers tap the steering wheel.

  “He’s only my seventh date.”

  I frown.

  Ina bobs her head. “Okay. Thanks, Amina. I’ll let you know how it goes.” She tucks her phone into her purse. “That was Amina. She’s the third matchmaker.”

  “You agreed to a date?”

  “I told you it was nine guys.”

  “You just asked me to sleep with you.”

  Ina laughs.

  It is… not the reaction I was expecting.

  “Yeah, so I can have a normal relationship with one of them.” She slides her purse strap higher on her shoulder. “Or, you know, the guy I eventually end up with.” But not you.

  I hear it loud and clear.

  I’m not someone she sees herself being with.

  She notices my expression and waves her hand. “It’s not like that. I just meant… you know.”

  No.

  I don’t.